Overheating
Things were switched! Yay!
About two Christmases ago, I asked for a computer. I was falling off of the whole computer gaming scene and I desperately wanted to pull up from hanging on the cliff. I didn’t think my parents would give in to my request, though. I wouldn’t have minded if they just gave me money. Or, that pony that Santa never gave me that one Christmas. Pretty sad about that one.
But my parents pulled through on this one. The video lag ceased. There was no more crashing. No longer would I have to blame lost CAL matches on the inadequacy of my rig, because I could see that it wasn’t lag that killed me but that I actually missed. Imagine that. Crazy talk.
On a side-note, I usually game it up in: Counter-Strike, Team Fortress 2, the Half-Life 2 episodes, Trackmania Forever, and Solitaire. Yeah, anyone who picks up Solitaire is pretty hardcore on my list. That’s whassup. I don’t really game anymore, though. It’s recreation now, not life.
One of the main things about my setup is that it runs hot. The motherboard is the Asus P5NSLI, with dual GeForce 8500 GT (economy cards, I know), duo-core Pentium D’s at 3.80 gHz, and my feet next to it. My room is the warmest in the house because of my computer. Regardless of season, I’m pretty toasty.
Because it runs hot, it has a tendency to stop working. It’s rather inconvenient. When I need the internet the most, it fails to connect. When I need to go on AIM, it gets stuck on verifying the username. When I try to restart when these problems come up, I get a black screen that says, “DISK BOOT ERROR. PLEASE INSERT BOOT DISK.”
I don’t even have a floppy to put in the boot disk.
Anthony compared it to a person, how it gets hot and too worn and just shuts down. It made a lot of sense to me.
You know, I’ve had a lot of things on my mind lately. As I’ve picked up leadership of the Bible study, started worrying about classes in the Fall quarter, cringing at book prices, become apprehensive of the classes that I’m going to take, preparing for the renovation of our house and the amount of things we need to move out of here, thinking of getting a job, and looking to the future that what is to come, these bricks have stacked and enclosed my mind in fear and doubt.
Unlike my computer, I’m not prone to shutting down when things get hot. I’ll sweat it out. But, that just makes it more dangerous for it to happen to me. I can’t afford it happening. I don’t want it to happen. Therefore, I avoid it.
I know I’m not a machine. But with the way things are falling into place, I don’t see any other way of handling it. Mechanically and nonchalantly. Risking the breakdown while trying to break through the wall.
It reminds me of sitting up front in a movie theater. As the projector runs, I can’t understand anything that is on the screen. I see flashing lights, moving lines, pixels, and an array of different colors. Objects are moving too fast to catch with the mind. The dialogue and soundtrack are so close to your face that you don’t need gel for your hair to stand up. It’s pretty chaotic.
I need to get a seat higher up in row.
I need to just relax and get the whole picture in my sight.
The Bible says,
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own (Matthew 6:34 NIV)
The further I dwell into the future, the closer I get to the picture. The more jumbled things become. Things become so complicated and intricate that one would become completely entangled in doubt.
Get a seat in the middle rows and enjoy the show.
